Part 0 (Preface):
Political correctness, identity politics, SJWs, and shaming— why it's so hard for us to talk with each other, and how we can do better
Welcome, and thank you for being willing to read this.
Before we can even begin to properly talk about race, I'd like to address the elephant in the room: We need to be able to talk with each other, regardless of our political affiliations. We need to be able to share our thoughts without being shamed. We need to be able to ask questions.
This webpage is not political—I won’t mention the current administration or any political party. I also don't feel like the United States is a bad country (and, because we care about it, let's keep improving it and its institutions).
In Part 1 of this website, I'll share my own journey around anti-racism (and how it took me a long time to realize that I'd been misinformed for most of my life). Then, in Part 2, I'll share some of the historical facts that began to open my eyes. In Part 3, I'll begin to explore how that history affects the world today.
But before we get to all that, let's start with the elephant in the room I mentioned.
Why did I add this Preface to my anti-racism website?
I wrote this page in late June, 2020 in response to several things associated with the George Floyd protests and our society's increased focus on anti-racism (as well as the associated divisiveness around that):
- I've been having honest conversations about race with friends and family who identify as conservative, and I'm wanting to make sure they feel heard and aren't told that they're bad people
- I've been hearing the stories of friends who—despite identifying as progressive—are still being insulted or silenced for not being "woke enough" or accidentally using the wrong word with the best of intentions
- I listened to the June 12 episode of Sam Harris' podcast (which was quite thought-provoking; I agreed with some parts, and at other points I felt that Sam missed some of the bigger picture and historical context—which makes sense, because there's a lot of nuance here)
- I've been observing the disconnect between what people are willing to say openly at work about the protests and what they say on anonymous chat platforms like Fishbowl
- My passion for anti-racism work is ultimately coming from a place of empathy and from wanting to reduce oppression. But, even in pursuit of that, I want to extend empathy to all humans, even white people who might not feel fully on board with the movement
You might be wondering who I am, what my credentials are, and if I can be trusted to approach this topic with logic and rationality.
- In terms of rationality and critical thinking:
- My day job is in management consulting, where I work with leaders at some of the top companies in the world to solve complex challenges
- I studied computer science in college, and I did postgraduate research at the #1 university in Asia
- I've also spent a lot of time in the LessWrong community (a group focused on promoting rationality)
- You can read my full professional bio here
- In terms of anti-racism:
- I don't have any formal credentials here, but I've read a lot of books, examined hundreds of articles by scholars and experts, attended dozens of hours of workshops over the past year, and participated in a white affinity anti-racism group every week for nearly a year
- I won't claim to have any kind of formal certification or degree in this topic, but the reason I'm a good management consultant is that I'm skilled at critically examining data and perspectives from a variety of sources, bringing different types of people together, and explaining complex topics in an approachable way
- That said, I will absolutely make mistakes, and I've been regularly updating this site as I receive feedback (please feel free to email me at michael AT michaelcaloz.com if you have any—I wrote my email address that way to reduce bot spam, so please switch AT to @)
Let's start by finding some common ground.
If you identify as progressive or counter-culture, you might be thinking it’s about time all this is being addressed
You might think that law enforcement and other institutions are inherently racist, and that they're so broken that we might need to dismantle a lot of our society’s structures to start fresh
If you consider yourself conservative or you identify with Jordan Peterson or the Intellectual Dark Web movement, you might be thinking that progressives and activists are being swept up in emotions without taking a step back to critically examine what’s going on
You might think progressives are focusing too much on political correctness, identity politics, or a single worldview that isn't based in rationality
Either way, our system of discourse is clearly broken right now in this country
The second group I named is right in saying that anything anyone says right now can be weaponized. You can be fired for tweeting the wrong thing, and that's a dangerous state of affairs to be in
But the first group is right that there are some major flaws in many of the institutions in this country. No matter to what degree you blame police killings on either structural racism or on the actions of individual police officers, I think we can all agree that the way George Floyd (and so many other Black people) died is not acceptable. We have to change something
So let’s start with some common ground. I hope we can all agree that:
We need a better way of communicating with each other so that we’re not constantly walking on eggshells
- We need to be able to speak what we feel and ask questions without being shamed
And. Even if you're coming from a place of genuine curiosity, some questions or statements can have a very negative impact if they’re said in the wrong context and in the wrong manner
For example, asking to what degree a particular police killing was motivated by race would land very differently with a white person than with a Black person whose unarmed friend or son had recently been shot and killed by a White police officer
- If you agree that the point above is true, then I hope you'll also agree that there exist issues that are quite sensitive. And—due to the amount of complexity inherent in a set of inter-related issues—it might not always be 100% clear what is appropriate versus insensitive to say in a given moment with a given audience
- Yes, again, sometimes sensitivity goes too far, but I hope you can at least agree that—depending on the situation—there does exist a spectrum from appropriate to inappropriate when it comes to sharing one's opinion or asking challenging questions
There's a lot of room for improvement in how our country handles law enforcement, incarceration, education, and other major institutions (not even specifically related to race, but simply to say: if we were recreating those institutions from scratch in 2020, they would probably look different, right?)
- Not all conservatives or police are bigots, and not all liberals are Social Justice Warriors shaming people who ask questions (and yes, there are conservatives who are bigots and there are liberals who shame people, but they don't represent everyone)
Ok, if you're mostly with me so far then we're already on the same page with some important points
Why this is so hard (especially if you’re skeptical of racial justice, political correctness, or identity politics)
This is all such a tricky dance for a number of reasons:
- The history of race and how it affects our country today is incredibly complex. I’ve spent hundreds of hours building this website, reading books, listening to podcasts, and talking to experts, and I still find a lot of these subjects hard to understand (and note that just because something is hard to understand—like quantum physics—doesn't mean it's wrong)
- It can be hard to admit we don’t understand something (especially in a public space like at work or on social media). Worse, a lot of our society frowns on public figures changing their minds about something, even if they’ve been presented with a compelling argument. So, we're encouraged to entrench ourselves and filter all new information through our existing lens to avoid cognitive dissonance (the uncomfortable feeling of holding two contradictory beliefs at once)
- People are scared and tired, so it can be easy to lose our tempers and lash out at each other
- It's important to critically examine evidence with logic and rationality; and, often the current culture of activism can encourage passionate displays of emotion where logic is not the #1 priority
- We shouldn’t be shaming people for their genuine curiosity. We should be allowed (and encouraged) to ask questions and to seek to better understand. We need to remember that not everyone has the same knowledge and education around every topic
- At the same time, it’s important to understand that all of us have had different life experiences, and sometimes those experiences are very different. It’s important to remember that—as a white person—it can be extremely hard to fully appreciate what a person of color’s life has been like in this country
- Given that, we can't expect everyone to show up all the time in full “rational analysis mode.” Sometimes people are going to be very angry, scared, tired, or frustrated—and for good reason
So yes, logic is important. And so are feelings. Please also recognize the complexity and inter-relatedness of all the systems at play around these topics
For example, yes, it’s important to rationally examine the facts around a specific police killing. Yes, it’s true that not every single case of a white cop shooting an unarmed Black person is necessarily an indication that that particular cop is bigoted against Black people
But it’s also important to take a step back and look at the whole system—at the patterns over time. If you stay zoomed in, you might say, “What do Black people expect to happen when they resist arrest?” But if you zoom out and look at the history that led up to this moment along with everything that those Black people have had to deal with in their lives—both of which this website will walk you through—I hope you’ll find some more empathy and realize that it’s a lot more complex than saying, “just stop fighting and you won’t be killed”
As you read through this website, I hope you’ll realize that there are very, very good reasons why Black people are angry, why many resist arrest, and why it’s about a lot more than that. Telling them they should just be calm when there’s so much baggage involved in an interaction with law enforcement might seem reasonable to you; but, to a Black person, that might feel extraordinarily insensitive and ignorant
Yes, rational analysis is important. Questions are important. And, as a fellow analytical thinker writing to you, please be careful to not sit so far in your analytical mind that you’ve numbed yourself to all the pain out there and distanced yourself from the violence being perpetuated every day in this country
What do we really mean by political correctness?
Can we find common ground?
- I dislike the concept of political correctness. When that term is used, I think it's either being misunderstood or it's being used as a stand-in to actually say something else beneath the surface
- To me, saying something simply to be “politically correct” means you’re saying it solely because you feel a need to protect yourself—that you actually believe something different but you feel that it’s unsafe to say the truth. And I don't mean that you're necessarily doing anything wrong. You might be worried that you'll get in trouble or be labeled a bad person if you speak your truth
- That doesn’t seem fair. You shouldn’t have to hide what you feel
- And, when it comes to certain subjects, you also need to recognize that your words might have a powerful negative impact (either intentional or unintentional) on other people
- Thus, it comes down to empathy. What you choose to say or don't say shouldn’t be about avoiding getting in trouble
- Rather, I would suggest thinking about it this way:
- (1) Ask yourself if what you're about to say might have a negative impact on someone
- (2) If so, is the value of your statement worth that cost?
- (3) Then, if you choose to make your statement anyway, please:
- (a) Take responsibility for it
- (b) Assess the impact
- (c) If that impact is more negative than you anticipated, hopefully you care to learn more about why
- So, I don't think it's helpful to think about this in terms of "political correctness." Instead, I think this is really about weighing the value of what you have to say with how it might impact others
- And yes, this is more work. It would be easier to just say whatever we want all the time. But is that the kind of person you want to be? If your loved one just died, would you be ok with someone making jokes about death? It's all about finding the right balance between under-sensitivity and over-sensitivity, which I'll get to in a moment
- Next, can we agree that there's so much complexity in the world today that none of us can be an expert on all the wide variety of life experiences out there?
- Therefore, isn't it inevitable that we might sometimes accidentally say something that's hurtful to someone without understanding why? And, in that case, can we prioritize being curious to learn what information we were lacking?
- Can you see how dismissing something as "just political correctness" allows us to avoid having to be curious? And how it implies that the issue the person is concerned about has no value?
- Again, I agree that sometimes people will react very aggressively if, for example, you use the wrong word without realizing its implications or baggage (and I empathize if you've been on the receiving end of that)
- So yes, there's work to be done on both sides. But can we all start by practicing more curiosity over judgment? Can we spend more time trying to understand the other person rather than already having the "right answer" in mind and trying to prove them wrong?
Yes, it would be difficult to move through life if every moment we had to be extremely on edge to avoid offending anyone.
So you have to find the right point on the spectrum of "not-caring" to "hyper-caring."
But here's the thing: As you'll read on this website, people of color (particularly Black and Indigenous people) have had to deal with 400 years of violence and oppression perpetuated on them because of their race.
Therefore, when it comes to the spectrum of "not-caring" to "hyper-caring," what you need as a White person to feel safe will inevitably be closer to the "not-caring" end than it will be for a person of color. They need more to feel safe.
So, if you want to have better relationships with people of color, it means moving your line at least a little toward the "hyper-caring" end, even if that feels a little over-the-top for what you feel you need.
What do we really mean by identity politics?
Can we find common ground?
- I think the idea of identity politics also comes down to a spectrum of caring—yes, apply rationality, and also try to lead with empathy and kindness when discussing complex issues that relate to core parts of how people see themselves
- For example, is being American important to you? Is being a father or a sister? Is being part of your church? Part of your subreddit? Part of your neighborhood?
- All of these things make up your identity, and it hurts to have them insulted if they're important to you
- What does identity politics actually mean (as related to race)? It's a term that's thrown around a lot, but here's what I think it comes down to:
- Anti-racism advocates believe that policies (across law enforcement, education, healthcare, etc.) should take into account everyone affected by them
- In other words, say a policy affects multiple large groups of people and each group has different needs in order to be kept safe, properly educated, kept healthy, etc. In that case, it makes sense to try our best to find solutions that will work for all of them and not just provide for one of the groups
- This country was founded by White people and run by them for the vast majority of its history. So, many of the policies we have in place around law enforcement, healthcare, etc. were created by White people (typically heterosexual White men)
- Thus, even with no malicious intent, it's inevitable that those people would pay more attention to how those policies affected people like them. It's only natural, especially if it's not obvious how the policies might affect people who lead very different lives
- Therefore, anti-racism advocates—or at least the ones I regularly connect with—would welcome two relevant things here:
- More representation from different identity groups (i.e., people of color in this case) in positions of leadership that are responsible for making policy decisions, and
- More consideration of how laws and policies might impact people differently who are not White, male, or heterosexual, including giving those people more of a voice to explain what they need themselves rather than having White people decide for them
- If you spend a lot of time following politics, it might seem like there's a whole lot more wrapped up in the phrase "identity politics"
- But I think it's important to strip away all the extraneous information around that and cut down to the core of it. Looking at those points I made above, do you find yourself passionately disagreeing, or are we on common enough ground to warrant more conversation?
Thank you for reading this far already.
Honestly, I know this is a lot, and I appreciate your being open-minded.
What about SJWs (social justice warriors, i.e., people who very publicly crusade for a cause, shame people who don't do it 100% correctly according to them, and engage in debate without finesse)?
- When it comes to Social Justice Warriors, there can be a range of causes for their behavior depending on the person and the situation:
- They might truly care about their cause but simply lack the social grace of engaging respectfully
- They might be working through their own trauma or rage (around even an unrelated topic) and feel the need to vent it somehow
- They might just enjoy provoking people
- They might feel like all the burdens of the world are on their shoulders and they have to rescue everyone, even people who don't need to be rescued
- In any case, there's certainly room for improvement in how a lot of them get their points across
- But what I'm more interested in exploring here is this: Largely because of the SJW phenomenon, it can become easy to think of people you disagree with as "crazy," and you might find yourself quickly dismissing their fears and concerns by labeling them "outrageous" or "unreasonable" in your mind
- The downside is that it's become easy now to dismiss many claims and fears that actually are grounded in legitimacy (even if you don't realize it in that moment)
- It's easy to label everything "political," and it's easy to feel pushed toward more jadedness and more callousness at a time when the world needs the opposite
- Yes, it might be more work to have to take more of the claims you hear seriously, but there are a few risks in dismissing them too easily:
- Dulling your feelings—over time, you might wall yourself off from a capacity to feel all your feelings like empathy
- Missing the truth—you might feel satisfied that you fully understand an issue when there's actually a lot more depth to it if you dig a bit deeper
- So, the question is: To what degree is each claim rational and heartfelt versus a product of outrage (whether manufactured, misguided, or poorly communicated)?
- Here are several ways to figure that out:
- Look at the source of the message and gauge that person or publication's history and reputation
- How often do they "cry wolf"? Does it seem like they're coming from a place of kindness or divisiveness? What kind of background, formal education, or credentials do they have?
- Please be careful here: Life experience can be a valid credential too. If a Black person says they feel offended by a word you as a White person used, they don't need a PhD in sociology to be able to say it made them feel bad because of all the other times in their life they've heard that term used in a very negative way
- Educate yourself about the topic (ideally by reading experts in the field, or at least something less biased than a mainstream news network) and see how reasonable their claims seem to be
- Examine how much of a burden it would really be to just agree versus fighting against it. How much of a burden are they placing on you? Is this person saying something closer to "that word hurts my feelings, please don't use it around me," or closer to "the entire way you live your life offends me, you need to leave and never come back here"? In other words, if they're asking for something small that would mean a lot to them, maybe it makes sense to just give it to them, even if it feels less than 100% reasonable or important to you?
- Look at the source of the message and gauge that person or publication's history and reputation
- Here's an example for you to evaluate for yourself: Several high-profile white people have sparked controversy over wearing blackface (stylized make-up to caricature a black person)—e.g., Justin Trudeau in 2001, Megyn Kelly in 2018, the Florida Secretary of State in 2019, and Jimmy Kimmel, who wore it in the 90s but only apologized in June, 2020. Where do those incidents fall on the spectrum of reasonable outrage versus ridiculous outrage?
- Like I suggested earlier, please start by being curious here: Why might people find that offensive?
- Next, to educate yourself, you can do a quick Google search of the term "blackface." You'll easily find a few useful links:
- The Wikipedia page explains that the practice of blackface gained popularity in the 19th century—that it "contributed to the spread of racial stereotypes" and that it's considered "offensive, disrespectful, and racist"
- One of the other prominent Google results is a page run by the Smithsonian's National Museum of African American History and Culture, which seems like quite a reputable source to me. On that page, they explain that a popular blackface character was Jim Crow, and it turns out that the "Jim Crow" racial segregation laws that were in place until 1965 were named after him. Those laws required Black people to use separate restrooms, restaurants, drinking fountains, and so on. In other words, blackface is associated with a set of laws and practices that were extremely oppressive toward Black people only a generation or two ago. This was an era during which nearly 4,000 brutal executions (lynchings) of Black people occurred, and the perpetrators were not tried
- Now's the step where you examine how much is being asked of you, and you weigh the negative impact on others versus the burden placed on you
- After weighing the "fun" or "edginess" of wearing blackface for Halloween against the harm it might cause to Black people to see that, do you feel it might make sense to err on the side of empathy and avoid that costume choice?
- And, do you think it's reasonable for us to call out prime ministers, secretaries of state, and prominent news anchors who wear blackface and tell them we don't think that's ok?
There is a paradox of tolerance.
Simply put: In a free society, people should be allowed to speak their minds. But, there also has to be a line where we won't tolerate something hateful enough.
The philosopher Karl Popper said that "in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must be tolerant of intolerance."
The problem is that either side could make the argument that the other side is being intolerant of their views.
So again, I propose it comes down to empathy and intent.
To me, there's a clear difference in intent here:
- A Neo-Nazi being allowed to say that all Black people are inferior and deserve to die
- An SJW complaining that a politician or major brand said something that could be construed as racist, even if it seems like nitpicking
Yes, let's allow free speech. And, let's recognize a key nuance: that the root of #1 above is fear-based hate, whereas the root of #2 is care and a desire for justice and equity for all (even if it's not communicated in the ideal way).
If you feel like you already have a lot of disagreements with the racial justice movement, can we at least agree on a few starting points here?
If you're born into a wealthy family, you have very different opportunities than if you're born into a poor family
Yes, there are cases where someone goes from poor to being a millionaire, but most people born poor will stay poor
America was founded on highly-racist structures like slavery
Things have gotten better over time, but there were still hundreds of years of highly racist laws, policies, and attitudes that kept Black and Indigenous people poor (e.g., by denying them the ability to get higher-paying jobs or the ability to move into more affluent neighborhoods with better schools)
Therefore, if this country's policies kept people of color poor and poor people tend to stay poor, it's fair to say that structural racism is at least partly responsible for wealth inequality between White people and people of color
That in turn leads to stereotypes, discrimination, and other challenges for people of color
- I hope you can agree—at least to some extent—with those points. And if not, I hope you’ll keep reading this website to learn more
- But, if you feel 100% firmly entrenched in your position against points like those, then I’m afraid this might not be the right website for you. Thanks anyway for visiting
If you're in a disagreement over a heated topic like race or gender—particularly if you've been told that something you did or said was hurtful—please try this 3-step process:
Practice being curious: Why might someone have been offended?
Could there be some context or knowledge you're lacking?
Is it possible that the person offended here has had very different life experiences from you?
To what degree have you seriously investigated this topic versus relying on hearsay or what seems obvious?
What could you do to educate yourself and better understand the subject?
What are the top pages that come up when you Google the topic?
Could you try reading one from a different source than you would usually check?
Or, if you don't feel motivated enough to research the topic, what would it cost you to just trust that the offended person is right?
How much is really being asked of you here?
If you weigh the burden or hardship placed on you to apologize or change your behavior versus the potential negative impact on others if you don't do that, what seems more reasonable?
I'm just sick of all this. When is the news going to move on to a new topic?
Lately, you might have found yourself thinking something like:
“Things are getting crazy now. Every single time a Black person is killed, there's a huge overblown media sensation. White people are killed by police too, and what about all the other problems in this country like the pandemic? Isn’t this issue getting too much attention? Yes, I agree that racism is bad and killing Black people is bad, but the protests have gone on long enough, and they've been too violent. We got the message.”
First, know that I’m not going to say you’re a bad person. I don’t want you to feel shame, because that’s one of the worst feelings for a person to experience
I think that, in general, it's important for all of us to be able to express our thoughts without being publicly insulted. And, I think it’s also important for all of us to be open to hearing other perspectives too
So, please try now to be open to learning more about why a lot of people might be offended hearing you say that this whole issue is overblown or that you're sick of hearing about it
I'll offer two responses below
Response #1: The reality of the protests isn't always what's being depicted in the news.
Please remember that the news is in the business of ratings
Most news sources in this country will play what's going to rile people up so they keep watching
At this point, the most ratings will come from highlighting the worst parts of the protests—violence and looting. Even if thousands of people gather peacefully, they'll focus the camera on the five people who are lighting something on fire (I often think about this series of images). Here’s a great 5-minute video about how this is happening right now with the protests
- Again, both sides of the political spectrum have been at fault here. The liberal news media might sometimes stoke more outrage than is helpful, and the conservative media might sometimes stereotype all the protesters as violent extremists
Bottom line: Please be careful to not let your impression of racial justice activism be too distorted by what you’re seeing on the major news networks
These are normal people out there protesting injustice—very few are violent, very few are part of extremist groups, and they all keep protesting because they feel that more action is still necessary
Response #2: Please take the time to keep closely examining your thinking.
It's important to remember just how easy it is for us to have knee-jerk reactions as humans
It's so easy for us to get locked into the same stories in our heads and to filter all new information through an existing lens that feels familiar to us
That's how so many of us are able to feel so jaded a lot of the time. It's really easy to take the attitude that our political system is broken, bad things are happening in the world all the time, and it’s just too much—nothing can be done
Already in the midst of the protests, yet another unarmed Black man was shot and killed by a White police officer, sparking even more protests. I want to encourage you to really pause and examine your reaction to that
What story is coming up in your mind?
Maybe it’s something like: “The Black guy was resisting arrest; what did he think would happen?”
Or maybe something like: “Ugh, not again. Why do they have to make a big story about every single death, especially when lots of people in America are dying everyday from all sorts of causes?”
Now pause again, and ask yourself what exactly you’re saying here. What exactly are you frustrated about? Here are some possibilities:
- Is it that you feel sad about all the other people who die every day in America without their stories appearing on the news? Do you think this Black man’s story is eating up all the air time such that the other stories aren’t able to be shared? Is that your concern—that there’s limited time on the news and we should be using it to cover other important subjects that you feel are being neglected because of the focus on police, protests, and Black deaths?
- Do you feel annoyed that everyone keeps talking about Black people being killed but you know nothing is going to change, so it feels like all the complaining is useless?
- Do you believe that each of these Black man who’s killed must have had it coming, even though Black men are three times more likely to be killed by police than White men?
- Do you believe that all people of color who are being arrested should have to remain perfectly calm, level-headed, and deferential to avoid being killed? Is that a reasonable expectation? Do you believe that if police kicked down your door in the middle of the night in a no-knock raid that you would be perfectly calm?
- Do you feel like people have complained about this subject enough and now they should just wait? That our leaders have probably gotten the message and we can now leave it to them to make the necessary changes to solve this problem? Does that seem reasonable? Do you genuinely believe that, if people stop protesting now, our leaders will take it from here and make major changes to our institutions?
- These aren’t meant to be “gotcha” questions. I’m genuinely encouraging you to examine your mind, identify the assumptions you’re making, and follow your line of thinking
- By the way, I’m guilty of some of this type of thinking too. I often notice how easy it is for me to think that police must only use force against really violent criminals, and it's even easier for me to convince myself that I’m powerless to do anything about all this
- It takes active effort for me to keep re-examining stories like that as they so easily pop up in my mind
- One trick I recommend is to practice thinking to yourself, "The story I'm telling myself right now is..." (beyond just race issues, this is very helpful in relationships too)
- If you’re wondering, “why do we keep spending so much time focusing on this one source of pain in the world,” my answer is this: Yes, there are a lot of problems in the world. But this is the one that's being highlighted right now. This is the call to action that's being raised in our country in this moment. This is the opportunity to address a type of injustice that has been perpetuated for 400 years in this country
- So ask yourself this: If you agree that Black men being killed by police at three times the rate of White men is unjust, do you think that should be fixed? And if so, should we keep waiting? Or should we seize this unique opportunity in history when so many forces are aligning around this topic to keep pushing until real change occurs?
- Yes, making big changes is hard. But when has there been a better time to address this topic than right now? You know how these things go: Real change at a systemic level is slow going unless something big happens. Look at how much changed right after 9/11
- So can we make now the time that this change happens for racism? Can we let George Floyd's death be the catalyst for that? Or do we need to keep waiting for more and more deaths to occur and for one of those deaths to strike such a chord that somehow that will feel like the right time?
- I understand that you're tired of hearing the same thing all the time
- Believe me: We all are. If you're tired of having to see it on the news at night, think about all the people who have been marching every single night for over 3 weeks
- Think about the Black parents who have had to teach their kids about the very real dangers of being shot by a police officer and how they have to be on their very best behavior whenever they're pulled over to avoid being killed (and even then they might be unlucky)
- I understand that you're tired, and they are too. Let's do something about it